Man's Best Friend

My pug really is my best friend. I have spent my whole life loving dogs and dreaming of having my own. I never dreamed it would be a little dog, but rather a big lug of a lab, romping through my life. But 10 months ago, I called on a Sunday to rural North Carolina inquiring about a pug puppy and 2 months after that morning I picked up a little bundle of joy. No stork needed of course.

Having a puppy, well a pug puppy, was nothing like I anticipated. I read and read and researched and felt ready. Now, 8 months later, I can assure you I was nowhere near ready. But really, even if I waited years, I don't think I would have been ready for it. Sometimes it still blows my mind that I'm a parent. I worry a little bit everyday that I'm not doing enough for him, but I know he's happy. I know that when he snuggles up to me on the couch, or curls into Ginger's lap as she's crafting. He's not pocket sized anymore, but he's still my baby and I love him with my whole heart.

Weekend Man Crush -- Adam Richman, Man vs Food

It's not often that I let myself feel comfortable as a chubby guy. But Adam Richman of Travel Channel's Man vs Food, brings out a sense of chubster fraternity in me.
This weekend Travel Channel blessed it's viewing community with a MVF marathon and that made my weekend! I don't really like Travel Channel shows, but this is my kind of show no matter what channel it's on. Adam, the host, is full of personality and brings great charisma to every location. The premise of the show is Adam visiting a particular city and finding all the great pig out joints hidden within.
Not one for travel myself, this show lets me live vicariously through his travels and meals! Within each episode he takes on a unique eating challenge famous in that city. Adam is unabashed about eating and his appetite and I think that seeing a funny, chubby guy on TV gives me the sense that it's ok to be one in my own life. It's always good to see some form of yourself on TV right?


And so I end my weekend with hours on end of my chubster buddy, Adam Richman.

On gender

Here is the disclaimer: The following is based on my experience and from my perspective. I am writing this for me, but more importantly to come out of hiding and help gender identity be more transparent in the world around me. I welcome questions, but I do ask that an open mind be maintained.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we? I am female bodied, but I do not identify as a female or in a feminine way. My gender presentation is masculine, but I don't identify as a man or male. I am on the trans spectrum, but not in the sense that I'm transitioning, rather because I am transgressing beyond the ingrained, expected gender for female bodied individuals. If I was pushed against the wall and forced to label myself I would say gender queer for the sheer vagueness that label allows. I don't identify as a man, but I also don't see myself as a woman. I am in the nebulous gray area that our society so despises.

Because I'm female bodied there was a time that I found myself to be immersed in the lesbian community. I never felt at home there, because in my heart I knew I didn't fit in. During that time the label "butch" was liberally used to identify me. Initially I railed against it. It just didn't feel right, but it did push me to examine how I felt within the gender spectrum and also to see my own gender presentation and how it it perceived. After much introspection about butch, I gave up the ghost and let the label stick. I don't self proclaim a butch identity. But I no longer grumble when others call me butch.

By my standards, my gender isn't weird or out of the ordinary, but not everyone sees the world through my geeky glasses. Living in the real world is definitely not easy. I'm not looking to make myself into any sort of a martyr, so please don't misread where I'm coming from. That said, it's a pain in the ass when I can't walk into 70% of public bathrooms because I don't look like women expect me to look. I am perceived as a man and in some cases a predator. Ladies, I know that the bathroom should be a safe space. So I ask that if I'm minding my business, mind yours too.

Several years ago I was asked to be an editor for a diversity publication in college. I was also asked to write a first person account of a particular bathroom run in. While this certainly wasn't easy, at the time I wasn't sure I understood just how important it was for me to be public about what happened. I get it now and I'm glad I did it. I want to help increase the visibility that gender isn't just man and woman. It's so much more. Lately I've been in a rut of apathy. I know that being in the work place day after day has numbed me into apathy. I'm regularly called missy, girl, ma'am and referred to as one of the girls. I don't say anything anymore. I don't correct people that just because this is my body, it doesn't mean I'm a girl, mmkay?

For me gender identity is something within each of us. It may go unacknowledged for a lot of people, but it's still there. My gender is something that not only I acknowledge, but something the world around me does too. When I'm stared at, or sneered at in public it's because of my gender identity. So maybe if I talk about it more, it's something that won't have to be so strange or out of the ordinary.


If you're interested in reading the article, you can find it here.

Friday Fashion

Given my recent schtick about Fall today's fashion tidbit will be brief and a nod (oh big pun coming) to colder weather. Courtesy of ThinkGeek.com I bring you -




All the best geeks will keep their heads warm while declaring their geekliness. It's simple yet geekaliciously chic.

Memories.... on the corner of my mind

Autumn seems to be my season. It forces me to the wall to really examine who I am, where I am in life and ask the ever cyclical question, "So where to now?".
In addition to all of those delicious ponderings, I find this time of year bursting with memories. Over the past week I've not been at work, but at a training off site. Not being constantly pummeled by responsibility/being attached to the internet, I've had some time to really sift through the puddles of memories.

Other than school starting this time each year, the big event in my life was always the start of the fall soccer season. While not the skinniest of children, I was always in my element on the field. I played goalie (and no I was not like Goldberg from Mighty Ducks). Every Saturday morning for the past 7 years or so I've reveled in the sounds of little kid's soccer games. The roaring cheers from parents and the intermittent whistles. It reminds me of all the times I had to be up and at the field by 8 am. Which for a kid may as well have been 2 am. It never fails to make me crave an orange slice and a juice box!

The reason I was so drawn to soccer was my dad. He played goalie until a shoulder injury made it impossible for him to risk the contact. He was so patient teaching me the right way to catch the ball, block and most importantly to punt. In addition to being one of my biggest fans, he coached my team from time to time. I still have friends who remember him coaching and how great he was. Someday, I hope I can give back like he did, and do it as patiently as him!

What else did Fall mean? Well school starting was always significant. I was obsessed with school supplies. Truth be told, I miss going to get school supplies. Sometimes I like to go to Staples and stand there, dreaming of composition books and pencils. Maybe I should get some of these, and call it a day?

Fall bringing on the colder weather and the changing leaves really lets me feel like I can change too. I know that this may seem pretty disjointed, after all leaves changing means they're photosynthesis is ending and they're essentially dying as they fall. Certainly I don't feel a symbiotic connection to that. I think I see it in a reverse kind of recharge for myself. And let's hope so because good lord I need it. But other than this flurry of existential introspection what else can be the catalyst for change? I know that it has to come from within me, but how do I spark the inertia to get myself going? I guess that's what this Fall really needs to be about. I guess I'll settle in with some nutmeg spiced cider and a cable-knit sweater and work it out.

How do you like 'dem apples?

Advice columns may not fall into the arena of hard hitting journalism, but I still love them.

And my most recent geeky love is the bold wha-bam, delivered by Carolyn Hax in her column last Sunday. I could gush on and on about why I love it so much, but really I'd like the column to speak for itself.



Please to be reading.

Dear Carolyn:

Some friends of mine had been talking up this guy they thought would be perfect for me, so I finally went on a blind date with him. It turns out he's black, and while I am NOT racist and have no problem with interracial dating in general, it's not for me. I just prefer to date white guys.

I told my friends why I wouldn't be seeing him again, and they were, shockingly, horrified. Did I miss something here? I know interracial dating is more prevalent now than it used to be, but I didn't realize it was SO common that you get in trouble if you don't want to do it. I figured if I'm the one who needs a kick in the pants, you're the perfect person to give it to me. But I'm hoping you'll tell me I'm right, that no one should have to date anyone they don't want to.

Sacramento

Carolyn's response

You're right -- no one should have to date anyone s/he doesn't want to.

And your friends are right, too -- they shouldn't have to pretend they're not horrified by something they find morally repugnant.

And you're right, interracial dating is more prevalent now, but its prevalence here is the cart; the issue here is the horse.

More people date interracially because more people realize that the only alternative to being racist is to judge each person as a person.

Your decision not to date this man wasn't about his character or lack thereof, it wasn't about his sex appeal or lack thereof, it wasn't about his intellect or lack thereof, it wasn't about his sense of humor or lack thereof, it wasn't about his work ethic or lack thereof, it wasn't about shared history or lack thereof, it wasn't about his goals or lack thereof, it wasn't about his compatibility or lack thereof.

To your credit, you're owning your opinion; all you had to say was that you didn't find him attractive, and this conversation doesn't happen.

However: We're having this conversation because you didn't find his race attractive. That's what racism is.

---

Photo Credit: Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post Photo

Weekend Crush -- NPR

Yes, you read that correctly. My weekend crush this week is on NPR, National Public Radio.

As a kid I was always thoroughly annoyed at the chit chat of talk radio that my Dad was ever so fond of. And now, at the ripe age of 25, I can't get enough of NPR. Over the past few weeks I've begun to ponder what is it that attracts me to NPR? Is it the feeling of being informed, of knowing relevant tidbits of news and other current events? I don't know for sure. I like the routine of getting up in the morning, getting into the car and settling into the rhythm of Morning Edition. And then again in the afternoon, I can unwind and hear about what's going on in the world, but even better I get the inside track on books. This week, Melissa Block, interview E.L. Doctorow about his latest book - Homer & Langley. This book sounds amazing. It's a fictionalized take on the famous reclusive Collyer brothers. I highly recommend the ten minutes (not even) to listen to the interview. And there's an excerpt from the book here along with the transcript and audio.

Perhaps, in some way being connected to current events has helped me to feel like a "real" adult. But being an adult on talk radio isn't all news, traffic and Marketplace reports. The gem of NPR is Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!


Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me is the oddly informative news quiz that airs on Saturdays from 11 am until noon. While I don't usually tune in during the first airing, I prefer to catch the podcast, this show is always worth an hour of my time! Why is Wait Wait so phenomenal? The two pillars of awesome leading the way are Peter Sagal (the host) and Carl Kassell (the judge and scorekeeper). Peter's consistent wit and Carl's straight delivery of humor is always the right mix of information and amazing hilarity. My favorite gridlock entertainment is the Best of Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me. This two disc collection is some of the greatest moments. My favorite involves Reagan, a pineapple and sign language. If I can laugh my face off and still get the news then I'm ready to be an adult talk radio listener. Sign me up!